Benson's Blog

Dear Friends,

I am asking for your support as I participate again in GREAT STRIDES, the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation's annual, nationwide walk event that raises money to help support vital Cystic Fibrosis (CF) research and care programs. This year's walk will be held on May 16th at Santana Row in San Jose. Your donation will be well spent as more than 90 cents of every dollar raised by the CF Foundation is used to support its critical programs.

What is Cystic Fibrosis?
Cystic Fibrosis is a fatal genetic disease that affects over 30,000 Americans. This disease is marked by chronic lung infections, clogged airways, and digestive and reproductive problems. One out of every 31 Americans is a symptomless carrier of the defective CF gene. When the CF Foundation was founded in 1955, children with CF were not expected to see their first day of elementary school. Many people with the disease can now expect to live in to their 30s, 40s, and beyond. This progress is amazing - but not good enough - as we continue to lose at least one precious life to CF every day.

Team Claire: My niece Claire was diagnosed with CF when she was 15 months old. She is now almost 6 years old and works hard everyday to maintain good health. Her treatments include 1-2 hours per day of medications, lung therapy, digestive enzymes, and vitamins.Over this last year, she has had a few lung infections, but overall has stayed healthy thanks to the treatments that are available. She is now in kindergarten and in her free time loves to swim, play soccer, and go to ballet class. She is full of life and energy, and is a light in our lives. Fortunately, medications that could potentially cure Claire's type of CF are currently in clinical trials and so far look very promising. Events like GREAT STRIDES raise money that is needed in the battle against CF and help us get closer to a cure.

Any amount you can donate will be greatly appreciated. You can donate by writing a check payable to the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation or donate online at www.cff.org/great_strides/BensonFlores. Together, we can help make "CF" stand for "Cure Found"!

Sincerely,
Benson Flores

I signed up for Zipcar last week (www.zipcar.com), and tried it out by driving down to San Jose to celebrate my sister's birthday. Several of my friends had recommended Zipcar, and I can see why - it was totally easy and fun to use. I look forward to trying out the BMWs and the Mini Coopers in the fleet. I like the fact that joining here in San Francisco makes me a member in all the other 50+ cities where Zipcar is located, and that gas and insurance are both included in the low annual fee. Maybe I should have retired my aging car sooner!

I played Chutes and Ladders for the first time (for me, that is) with my nephew, and my niece showed me her new growing, talking toy dog. Plus, quality time with my mom, sister, and her in-laws. How wonderful it is to have family so close by!

10,000 Dresses

My friend Marcus Ewert has written an amazing book which is beautifully illustrated by Rex Ray - 10,000 Dresses. It is a children's book about a transgendered girl who dreams of making 10,000 dresses, but is continually told by those around her, 'No, you're a boy, and boys don't make dresses!'

I have to say, this book really made me think! Even though I have known transgendered people, people who just don't identify with the gender that they are born with, it still was a bit of a shock to hear the character refer to herself as a girl when everyone around her only sees her as a boy. But that is the reality for transgendered people, and Marcus has captured it beautifully and simply.

This book will make some parents squirm. And, this book will be a tremendous blessing for those parents who are willing to let their children be accepting of people as they are, rather than as some people might wish them to be. And it will be especially healing for those children who might be dealing with questions of their own gender identity!

Here is an article from PFLAG that I found helpful in my own understanding about transgendered people - even for writing this blog entry: About Our Transgendered Children.

Gay Marriage is about love.

Got Hope? Harvey Milk

Dear Friends,

I am asking for your support as I participate again in GREAT STRIDES, the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation's annual, nationwide walk event that raises money to help support vital Cystic Fibrosis (CF) research and care programs. This year's walk will be held on May 18th at Santana Row in San Jose. Your donation will be well spent as more than 90 cents of every dollar raised by the CF Foundation is used to support its critical programs.

What is Cystic Fibrosis?

Cystic Fibrosis is a fatal genetic disease that affects over 30,000Americans. This disease is marked by chronic lung infections, clogged airways, and digestive and reproductive problems. One out of every 31 Americans is a symptomless carrier of the defective CF gene. When the CF Foundation was founded in 1955, children with CF were not expected to see their first day of elementary school. Many people with the disease can now expect to live in to their 30s, 40s, and beyond. This progress is amazing - but not good enough - as we continue to lose at least one precious life to CF every day.

Team Claire: My niece Claire was diagnosed with CF when she was 15 months old. She is now almost 5 years old and works hard everyday to maintain good health. Her treatments include 1-2 hours per day of medications, lung therapy, digestive enzymes, and vitamins. Over this last year, she has faced severe lung infections and problems maintaining her weight. But through all of this, she still manages to go to preschool, swim, and play soccer. Fortunately, medications that could potentially cure Claire's type of CF are currently in clinical trials and so far look very promising. Events like GREAT STRIDES raise money that is needed in the battle against CF and help us get closer to a cure.

Any amount you can donate will be greatly appreciated. You can donate online at www.cff.org/great_strides/BensonFlores. Together, we can help make "CF" stand for "Cure Found"!

Sincerely,
Benson Flores

I cleared out five bags of old/unused/non-fitting clothes from my closet last night, and I feel much lighter today! (Go figure.) What's really nice is that now I have some shelf space to store some of the boxes that I've been stepping over. Does anybody really need three year old suntan lotion lying around? Once I go through and clear out old magazines, I'll tackle the boxes of papers and my filing system.

It's been a while for an update on anything, but here are some highlights:
1) My sister and her family are here visiting from Australia for about five weeks.
2) We had a great reunion with my uncle from Tucson who we haven't seen in ages.
3) I resigned from the board of a non-profit that I was not really participating with.
4) I've started a practice of actively forgiving all the people in my life (not necessarily in person) with whom I've had or caused a negative experience. This has been quite illuminating for me as it's bringing up lots of stuff that I had thought I was already complete with.

In loving memory of
Stanley C. Brobeck Jr.
1946 - 2007

Well, what a week! I completed the Introduction Leaders Program yesterday. 29 weeks. Wow. I've never run a marathon before but I can imagine it must feel something like this. I'm exhilarated, exhausted, and I'm feeling like I need to walk around the block a few times to unwind. I think the thing that will stick with me the most out of this program is the distinction, “Anyway you are will work", especially when I apply it to myself. There is an amazing amount of freedom and power when we can accept ourselves, others, life, and ... just as it is - 'like this' as they say in Zen. And I have - I'm at peace with the fact that I did not fulfill the measures to be 'candidatible' such that I could really choose to be an Introduction Leader or not. And I'm complete and satisfied with the results I produced. Now it's just time to 'go wash my bowl'. (Sorry I can't stop thnking in Zen lately. It just means to go on with life.)

There are some projects to handle in the next few weeks - not the least of which is doing my taxes. Ugh.

Oh - this is cool - my mom just wrote a book! It's both an autobiography and about her attempt to answer the question - 'What is it all about?'. I'm in the middle of proof reading it, and then it's off to her cousin who wants to see if she can publish it. It think it may push some people's buttons, so it will be interesting to see the final version. I'm enjoying it so far.

I just came back from seeing the movie, 300. It's a sexy movie - lots of skin, fighting, blood and guts, rocking music, and a patriotic theme. 'What's there not to love?' (You've been warned!)

I was in Salt Lake City last weekend for the International USANA conference. Just me and C's group and about 9000 other people! I'm inspired again to really be in action around this business. Part of that is committing to 2 contacts a day for the next year. I can easily do this and I'm up for it, and it's still going to get me WAY out of my comfort zone! One of the highlights was seeing one of the keynote speakers, Li Cunxin, Mao's Last Dancer, speak about his life and his path from abject poverty to being one of the top ten male dancers in the world.

While I was in Salt Lake City, I attended the Introduction Leaders Program classroom on Friday night, since I was missing the one in San Francisco. I was excited to meet some new people, and inspired by what they are up to. One person, in the program at age 69, is committed to having special Landmark Forums for seniors (60+), just the way Landmark does for teens (13-17) and young people (8-12). How cool is that?! I also was moved when I got to witness the ‘candidation’ of one of their last program’s participants as Introduction Leader. (This means that that person completed all the measures of the Introduction Leaders Program and is now choosing to lead Introductions.)

I haven’t been doing any hospice work recently - I’ll have to give them a call and remind them that I’m available.

And I’m excited that my sister is coming to San Francisco from Australia in a couple of weeks! It will be great to see her.

I was shocked to hear about the death of Steve Irwin, the 'crocodile hunter'. Apparently he was stuck in the chest by a stingray, while (ironically) filming a documentary to 'demystify the stingray.' With my sister and her family living in Queensland, Australia, I was quickly brought up to speed on this fellow, who always seemed to be defying death on his very entertaining show. We will miss you, Steve!

This was the most amazing week. Last weekend we had our Communication: Access to Power course in San Francisco, and I chose to be one of the coaches. The head coach invited us to really put something at stake for ourselves - something that we would get out of being a coach for the week. At first I said 'I want a breakthrough in dating', but after a little thought, I changed this to - 'I want a breakthrough in creating a great relationship'. So Sunday, I was around the course and two people chose me to be their coach. We set up calls, we talked about what they were committed to get out the course (not surprising to me - breakthroughs in relationships!), and I shared that I had put 'a breakthrough in creating a great relationship' at stake as well.

On Monday morning, I awoke with the thought - a 'wondering about' - 'What if the relationship of my dreams is with a woman?' What?!! Now, you should know that I've known I was gay since I was 6 years old. No question about it. Ever. The breakthrough was that I did not dismiss the idea out of hand. I let myself just wonder about it. Not trying to fix it, change it, do something with it, but just being with it.

In the Landmark Forum, and in all Landmark courses, they talk about creating a 'new realm of possibility'. This has certainly been that for me. I did immediately have the thought - 'Dang, as if my life needed more complications - I thought I had my life pretty well figured out!' But my next thought was, - wow - ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE.

As I've been sharing this with people on the team, and then my family and friends, I'm really present to my own growth and development through being on team. It's like my heart has expanded so much, that it no longer fits that I be limited to loving only half the population.

I don't really know that I'll start dating women, but I do know that my freedom to explore relationships - in all forms - is off the hook!

I've been watching in horror and bemusement as our 'leaders' keep proposing an amendment to our constitution that would ban people such as me from getting married to a partner of our choice. It reminds me of the joke, 'If you are against gay marriage, then don't marry a gay person.' But rewriting the Constitution so that the Pursuit of Happiness through marriage can only be allowed if one is straight is abuse of power. (And I'm only talking about the laws of our country here. The church can continue to do whatever it wants to do, that's their own party.)

The only reason this is a topic at all is that gay people are still a target of ridicule and discrimination. 'Gay' and 'Faggot' are still effective and largely unchallanged epithets on the street and in the mainstream culture. And the Religious Right, like the school yard bully, seems to feel that it's perfectly acceptable to use us as a pawn in this blatant attempt to consolidate their base. Well, I can only hope this backfires on them. Gay people vote, too!

Help Cure Cystic Fibrosis!

Dear Friends,

I am asking for your support as I participate in GREAT STRIDES, the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation’s annual, nationwide walk event that raises money to help support vital Cystic Fibrosis (CF) research and care programs. This year’s walk will be held on May 7 th, 2006. Your donation will be well spent as more than 90 cents of every dollar raised by the CF Foundation is used to support its critical programs.

What is Cystic Fibrosis?

Cystic Fibrosis is a fatal genetic disease that affects over 30,000Americans. This disease is marked by chronic lung infections, clogged airways, and digestive and reproductive problems. More than 10 million Americans are symptomless carriers of the defective CF gene. When the CF Foundation was founded in 1955, children with CF were not expected to see their first day of elementary school. Today, more than 40 percent of the CF patient population is age 18 or older. This progress is amazing - but not good enough - as we continue to lose at least one precious life to CF every day.

Team Claire: Our team will walk alongside, and in support of my niece, Claire Alexander who was diagnosed with CF when she was 15 months old. Today she is 2½ years old and the road has been rough. Fortunately, with daily medications, chest therapy, and digestive enzymes, she has been able to maintain good health most of the time. A medication is currently in clinical trials for Claire’s rare type of CF that holds great promise. Events like GREAT STRIDES raise money to help further the development of such treatments and help find a cure.

You can donate by writing a check payable to the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation, or donate online at www.cff.org/great_strides/BensonFlores. Together, we can help make “CF” stand for “Cure Found”!

Sincerely,

Benson Flores

P.S. I realize the walk has already happened, but it's not too late to donate!

So what's been happening lately?

I started my third quarter of Team Management and Leadership Program Team 2 as Team 2 Team Leader a few weeks ago. I have been having some amazing breakdowns and breakthroughs. I had a call with my team last weekend where at the time, I thought the call went great. However, getting feedback about the call the next day, I realized that I had really failed to cause what I had been out to cause. With my coach, I distinguished that I am committed to being trained in how to 1) hold people to account, while 2) having it occur as an opportunity. And of course, the key is to have people (myself included!) be inspired by what we're creating. I thought that was pretty cool! Thank you G for helping me see that!

I also had my last visit with my hospice patient, T. last Tuesday. She passed away early morning on Thursday - a peaceful end to a stressful life. I'm awed by what Hospice really provides for people in encouraging closure with estranged family members, etc. And I appreciate the courage it must take to do that when one is feeling the weakest of one's entire life. The ultimate surrender. I'm sure not everyone has that experience, but Hospice certainly makes it easier.

I'm also finally completing some work projects that seem like they've been hanging around forever. Flow! Yes, Flow! 'Tis a great thing. That's all for now.

Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah, Happy Kwanzaa, and a Merry New Year! And thank you for all the notes about my birthday, which I celebrated on Christmas Day!

It's definitely a new year and I'm experiencing a new energy. I am powerfully choosing what I will do and not do, starting with my 'Living a Public Life' paper. I am (by default and now by choice) choosing not to submit a rewritten version of the paper by the due date of tomorrow, Jan 9th. Whew, I said it! I know I do have many things to say about this topic, as does Ruth, but the paper is just not going to happen. And it may show up in some other form in the future.

Christmas was a mixed bag for me. I had a wonderful holiday (and birthday) with my family and then later with some close friends. But I also realized for the first time how weak my mom is, and what an impact her post-polio syndrome has had on her health. Last year at this time she was living completely on her own; now she requires full time assistance for some of the most basic things. I had the opportunity to see firsthand when I helped my mom for a few days so that her live-in helper could celebrate Christmas Eve and Christmas with her own family. I had just not realized the extent of the help she gets each day, little things we take for granted, such as getting completely dressed or even sitting up in bed each morning. (Don't worry - a power bed is on its way.) I was glad to be there to help, but was struck nonetheless by the extent of my mom's condition. I am very clear that my experience being a hospice volunteer the last year and a half allowed me to be with my mom in a way I would not have had the capacity for a year or two ago.

As I talked with my mom about her health and her life, she mentioned that she sees her whole life as a period of Grace. Polio could have taken her completely, as it did for so many in her lifetime, when she first came down with it as a little girl. But she has had a near lifetime reprieve from the disease, giving her the opportunity to live a whole life - to dance and teach ballroom dancing (where she met my dad), to raise a family, and to get to play with her grandchildren. And she's still got plenty of living to do, she's definitely not done!

On New Year's Eve, I took a cable car up to Grace Cathedral (although I'm not a member) and walked the outside labyrinth - something I like to do as a walking meditation for following the course God has ahead of me. I prayed for direction and guidance for the year. And (continued) Grace.

May this New Year find you in Grace, too!

Last week my mom had surgery at Standford to clear out an artery in her neck that was 90% blocked. She had been told that the operation was risky and had even postponed it once before, but she decided that now was the time to take care of it. It was a success! My mom said that she was hearing 'blood swhishing around in her head' which is probably a good thing I would think. (!) Untreated, the blockages could have led to strokes or worse, so we're all glad that the surgery is done and that she's well.

Her previous surgery to have a pacemaker put in seems to have done the trick. No more dizzy spells and low blood pressure. It's been a productive year for my mom's health.

I was reminded yesterday of the Astronaut Captain Jerry Linenger's presentation I saw last month in Salt Lake City at the Usana Conference. Whenever he was faced with some incredibly daunting task, he would ask himself, 'But what if I could?', and then give it a try.

I was helping my mom get situated with a newer computer over the weekend, and right at the point where literally everything was connected and the last thing to do was to connect the phone line to the modem -- I saw that there was no modem on the computer! And, even though I consider myself a software guy, not a hardware guy, I thought of the astronaut's 'but what if I could?' and proceeded to open up the old computer case, take out the modem, and then snap it into the new computer. And it worked! Yea!

I can see that this mindset could come in pretty handy in a lot of areas of my life. I'm going to take that on!

There's been a lot to comment on in the last two weeks, and I have been out of communication with this blog! Some highlights of what's been going on with me:

The paper that Ruth and I have been working on has been created (a rough rough draft), and the paper submitted. This was a major victory and one that we almost missed out of being embarrassed for our 'incomplete work'. I gave up looking good, and said, 'Let's just see what they say', and I went ahead and sent it in. We have been told, 'the paper has been added to the review process'!

I have been to Utah and back (via Amtrak) for the international Usana Conference. I reconnected with my friends C and A, and I'm re-energized about building my side Usana business. I was very moved by the great speakers. One of the speakers is a long term survivor of Cystic Fibrosis (she was recently taken off the lung replacement list due to her good health), and I talked to my sister about possibly connecting with her (my two year old niece has CF). One of the best speakers I've ever heard was Captain Jerry Linenger, a NASA astronaut, who described some of his harrowing experiences on the Russian Space Station Mir. At several times during 5 month mission, he was convinced that he was going to die, and he very eloquently talked about how his realization that his newest family member might never get to know his father. I can't wait to read his book, Letters from MIR: An Astronaut's Letters to His Son.

I've been on a diet the last three weeks and have lost around 11 pounds using the Usana Reset program. I can fit into some of my old jeans again!

I've went on another 5 minute dating adventure, and will be talking with some of them again this week.

And finally, all the stuff going on with Katrina and Rita. I've got friends in Texas who have opened up their homes to refuges from New Orleans, and I've been very moved by how selfless their actions have been.

That's the update for now. - Benson

I got a call from my sister on Tuesday morning that my mom had had a 'dizzy spell', had collapsed the night before into the arms of one of her caretakers, and had been taken to the emergency room where they learned that her blood pressure had dropped into the 30's. (Not good) And then I got a couple more calls from my sister and my brother-in-law asking, "when are you coming?"

So I spent most of Tuesday, knowing that my sister had left her work to spend the entire day with my mom, trying to concentrate on issues and reports at my work, until finally I realized that I needed to support my sister and be with my mom, too.

So Wednesday and again today, I've been at the hospital with my mom, while they figured out that she needed a pacemaker, and it's been great to be there for her. They implanted a pacemaker (routine these days) and she should have a lot more energy as a result. My mom is fine.

What really got me, though, is what a jerk I've been around my family, expecting my sister(s) to take full responsibility around my mom's care - which they have done selflessly again and again over the years, while I've been 'unavailable'. (And, of course, this was much easier to accomplish when I lived in other states from my mom. But now she's only an hour drive away.)

This week, I really got the impact of how much of a strain this must have been for my sister and her family (with 2 children), and also how much this has left me isolated and removed from really being involved and related to my family.

So the possibility I'm inventing for myself and my life is the possiblity of being available and generous.

I'm off to see my mom!